Graphic etiquette

This is the art I was working on yesterday and today. I say 'art' very loosely and with poetic license. Oh, who am I trying to fool... 'poetic'? I get these odd requests, being the resident 'artist' for the local pub. Talk about grand distinctions! Psh! This time, they wanted one of their patrons done up as a mermaid. They all went deep sea fishing recently and the above photo was taken on that occasion. Decorating their wall are various 'works'. One is the morph I did of Jorge as Shrek. Another was to create a package illustration of one of the patrons where he would resemble a pig eating a corn cob. It was based on a popular bar snack, which has an illustration of a pig eating a corn cob. Then there was the monkey on the motor cycle, which was done in mockery of one of their patrons who is a traffic officer, or as they call them here... a 'brownie', as they dress in brown uniforms. What do I get for this? Well, Jorge gets a few free beers out of the deal. I did manage to get Jorge to pour me a drink tonight with some heavy hints though.

Then the man returned from the pub with grandiose talk of etiquette. This was rich coming from someone who is very sparing with this subject at home. I think he simply doesn't want to wear his etiquette out in case he needs it in an emergency. He was going on about napkins. His point was that you always put a napkin on your lap, the only exception being when you're eating spagetti. Then you are permitted to tuck it into your collar, bib style. I said, as far as I knew, there were no occasions in formal eating, beyond the age of 2, where using your napkin as a bib was acceptable. Nope, he said, he was raised using a napkin as a bib with spagetti. I asked him if he had ever tested this theory in a restaurant, knowing full well he only eats spagetti when I force it on him at home. He hates the stuff, precisely because he has no control over where all that sauce goes.

I researched it and got sidetracked. I love reading etiquette articles. I found a couple of really good ones:
http://www.usheroff.com/52tips.html
http://www.career.vt.edu/DiningEtiquette/QandA.htm

So here goes... Tell me what you understand to be the proper use of the napkin in a formal dinner setting ; )