Of strength and courage

It takes strength to stand strong in the face of your challenges, however big or small they are. Today, the 16th of December, is an auspicious day for me and my family. In South Africa, it's known as the Day of Reconciliation - more on that later - but we know it as the Day of the Vow.

Photo by Peter Thomas

My old friend Peter sums up the happenings of the original Day of the Vow or Day of the Covenant on his site. There are many more sites that give the history of that day from various perspectives. This blog is not intended to recount history or morals or right vs. wrong in any way. It’s a remembrance of my ancestors, what they went through and what we’ve been through and the lessons we can carry from that.

On that day, so long ago, a group of a few hundred Voortrekkers (pioneers) came face to face with over 10 000 Zulu warriors. The Voortrekkers made a laager from their ox wagons and defeated the Zulus, killing more than 3000 men, while, of the Voortrekkers, only 3 were lightly injured. As I said before, I’m not going into the rights and wrongs of the battle. The lesson to be learned here, for me, is one of unity and strength and courage. It took great courage and strength to pack their worldly goods into a wagon and trek across country, over mountains, rivers and lands where they would most certainly be attacked. Alone, we need strength and courage to face our challenges, but banding together… as families, as friends, as communities, we can do great things!

Much, much later, South Africa renamed this day to Day of Reconciliation. It’s a day that was created on the foundation of the Day of the Vow to reconcile the people of South Africa and to create a day of unity and healing. The men who came together to create this new day displayed courage and strength. It takes continued courage and strength for the people of South Africa to build on that dream of reconciliation.

When we think of courage and strength, it’s often in times of great strife and ‘war’ with our challenges. Certainly, those are times we need to call on what courage we have and to be strong. Sometimes, just standing up and doing what we believe to be right takes even more courage and strength. Sometimes, the daily grind of living takes even more.

Way back, my ancestors, at one point, were kicked off their farm, which was burnt to the ground by the British. The men were political prisoners and the women and children were put into concentration camps. When they came out, they lived for a time under an oak tree, baking their daily bread in an earth-oven. Yes, they had strength and they had courage. I like to believe that we’ve inherited that strength.

Technorati Tags: history,voortrekkers,vow,reconciliation,laager,strength,courage

Sombre tints

Every life has dark tracts and long stretches of sombre tint, and no representation is true to fact which dips its pencil only in light, and flings no shadows on the canvas.

~ Alexander MacLaren

Technorati Tags: dark,light,art,paint,life,happiness,shadows

In my own light

I was tossing logs onto the woodpile in the wood shed, my mind on other things…. stacking wood is one of those tasks that allow for introspection and daydreaming. It was a sunny day outside and light steamed in from the door. Suddenly, the woodshed became dark. My head spun around wondering what had blocked my light, but behind me, it was still bright enough. It was a few moments before I realised that it was my own shadow that had fallen on my work and blocked the light.

It was a silly thing, really, but it did get me thinking. So many times when my life becomes shadowed, it’s quite likely that the shadow is just me standing in my own light. On hindsight, I think I do that often. What is my shadow? It’s those moments when my attitude to a situation darkens my world. It’s times when I’m overly critical of myself or those around me. It’s those days when my mind can’t escape the What if’s of my past. Not to be left out are the times when I abuse my body with bad eating habits and a couch-potato lifestyle.

Yes, I get in my own light a lot. Perhaps this could be a reminder to either turn on a light or step aside and let the sun in.

Technorati Tags: shadow,woodpile,thoughts,introspection

Life ‘n death

Image courtesy of Free Irish Photos

As spring makes its vibrant presence known, my mind, heart and soul is tuned into vibrant life. I celebrate life. All around me, the earth is awakening and shaking its feathers out. You can almost hear the tiny leaf buds bursting through the ground in search of the sun. I celebrate my own life too. My life is satisfying and each day that goes by, I’m grateful for new experiences and good health. I could go on, but I wanted to talk about death and no, this is not, in my opinion, a morbid subject.

A few people in my circle of friends and family have experienced death recently, either that of someone close to them or a beloved pet… perhaps even the death of a dream. It happens. It’s part of the cycle of life. The whole point of the ‘cycle’ is that it continues. We’re born, but we’re not born from nothing. As we live, life and death are part of our passage through time. When we die, however we choose to finally ‘go’, we return to the earth to once again nourish life.

We have a family joke that goes back for years where we vowed to donate HRM’s body to science (yes, it is possible - http://hta.gov.uk/index.cfm) when he goes. That should keep the scientists fascinated for a time, I’m sure. Death, to us, has never been a morbid or scary subject, though we do go through heartbreak when we lose someone close to us, but that is because we miss them dearly.

There are so many bewildering options for when a loved one dies - or oneself, if you’re doing some advanced preparation. We’ve been there, sadly saying goodbye to far too many who were close to us. Cremation, burial, a bewildering choice of coffins and procedures. Death, like much of life, has become terribly commercial. I can’t think of anything worse to put loved ones through if I were to go! There are good choices though…. Someone posted a link to an article, which got me looking into more articles, which got me reading (you know how it goes) about options and I have to tell you, I think I have found the perfect way to recycle and recreate myself… a tree! I’ve always said that when I die, I want to be planted without a coffin at the foot of a tree, but this is way better, or at the very least, just as good.

The Bios Urn - You get cremated and the ashes are put into a biodegradable pot along with the seed of a tree. The pot then gets planted, so your loved ones can tend the tree and watch it grow. Isn’t that perfect? The tree will absorb the nutrients from the ash, so I’d be part of the tree. This isn’t a dream of extending my life force, but a dream of being able to help nourish a living thing in my own death. That tree would then go on to provide a home and resting place for all the birds I’ve loved to watch. The tree will glory in each season, giving shelter… and possibly food and homes to animals. Even if the tree gets cut down, it’s not that bad. It will warm someone’s hearth, provide furniture or a part of a home, or possibly become the paper onto which a young soul could journal (or do maths - now that’s karma!) as they go through their own life’s journey.

Technorati Tags: life,death,nature,trees,spiritual,thoughts

A ghost in the press

Funny how memories are set off. I was reading a book and a inconsequential conversation between two boys about the ‘ghost in the press’ caught the attention of long forgotten memories. At the first mention of the ‘press’, my mind went to printing, until logic suggested that, as they were in their bedroom, a clothes press was more appropriate.

What child doesn’t fantasise about monsters under the bed? I made a point of never having a foot or a hand over the edge of the bed just in case. I mean, you never know, right? I went through a phase of “if I can’t see them, they can’t see me” too, which started a lifelong habit of needing to be covered right up to my eyeballs. I still like to be completely covered - still afraid of the bogey-man? Perhaps, though I suspect the bogey-man has morphed into its adult form of a variety of nameless, faceless fears, but… it was the wardrobe that did it.

Many was the night I’d lie in bed staring at my dark-wood wardrobe, almost seeing it open and the skeleton hiding inside coming out to get me. It wasn’t always a skeleton. Some fears were far worse, some more insubstantial. Either way, the wardrobe was a horrifying element in the half-dark of my room.

Today, I wonder if the ‘skeletons in the cupboard’ talk of the adults around me weren’t at least partly to blame. The cupboard grew in my very vivid imagination to hold all manner of ills. I suspect there’s a little part of me… ok, perhaps not such a little part… that’s still somewhat afraid of what could come out of the wardrobe as soon as I let my guard down. I have no wardrobe in my current bedroom and the one I photographed is perfectly harmless… this wardrobe is in my mind - a dark, closed receptacle of nameless, faceless things that may or may not exist. Is it just me?

Naturally, if you had to ask me what I fear, I’d put my hands behind my back, lift my head and that same little girl will confidently say, “Nothing!” 

Technorati Tags: fear,wardrobe,cupboard,skeletons

Wordy Wednesday

I did consider doing a Wordless Wednesday, but, frankly, Wordless just isn’t me. I had an interesting photo to post, but then found that I had the need to explain the photo and talk about the day that surrounded it, however mundane that day may have been.

As the world is preparing for its ‘doom’, I decided to go and take a walk in the forest. I’d heard there was someone setting badger or fox traps and wanted to get rid of them. Ah… the peace of the forest. The quiet was tangible. Even my footsteps made no sound on the springy forest floor.

At this point in my walk, I was torn between the unending path ahead of me and the obviously man-made ‘structure’. We have debated back and forth what it was for and come to few useful conclusions. My guess was that someone was trying to dry those logs for firewood. I wonder who. It was an intriguing find. It definitely wasn’t there two days ago. This land is littered with some very interesting artifacts. I think I may well go for a photo walk tomorrow. You’d be surprised what you can find in a forest in the mountains!

Actually, I like the analogy of this scene. Life is presenting me with a puzzle right now and yet, I see ahead of me a beautiful path I am compelled to follow. It has no end. This is part of my journey.

Technorati Tags: forest,path,journey,trees

In defence of praise

Who doesn't like being praised for their work? Is it an area exclusively reserved for bosses? What is it about praise that makes people so uncomfortable?

It's something I started noticing when I passed my colleagues doing what I thought was a spectacular job. I told them so and got a response that implied that they thought I was mocking them. I definitely wasn't. I was genuinely impressed with their work.

I praised my husband for the excellent job he did for me (a small, but, for me, important task). He thought I was being sarcastic. I now wonder if it's the way I say it...

Telling my boss that her organisation of an event was very impressive ended up looking as though I was 'sucking up'.

Is there no easy way to praise? I know I'm guilty of not always accepting praise with grace. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all accept praise with a simple and gracious, "Why, thank you!"

A blog worth reading on the Power of Praise can be found here.

It's all numbers

I've been thinking of numbers a lot this week for one reason or another. On Thursday, I was rather melancholy and thoughtful....

"We're a quarter of the way through the year. I'm pretty much half-way through my life. In terms of my dreams and goals, the clock is ticking - very loudly. My life so far has been one of revving engines, tyres spinning in mud, occasionally moving a few inches ahead, even more occasionally moving ahead by a couple of feet - very often just sinking further into the mire.

My tendency to find humour in life has been a survival tactic. If I don't, the misery and, yes, bitterness may just swallow me up. Like many take a pill against what ails them, I take smiles, laughter and positive snippets daily, sometimes hourly. It's my 'silver bullet' against melancholy."

Thankfully, my inner ponderings were disturbed by the arrival of my student. I guess my point was that I felt I was running out of time to get to where I want to be. I've been accused of being Miss Glass-half-full before. I don't mind that, except that it doesn't always come naturally. It often takes a lot of work : )  Luckily, working on being happy isn't odious and it does actually make life a whole lot more tolerable.

So... numbers... for one, I don't mind getting older. I'll never be one of those people who celebrate their 29th birthday till they're 90. Age doesn't worry me. It never has. As a teen, I found it easy to get into age restricted movies... probably because I wasn't trying as hard as the other girls with high heels and makeup. I'd pitch up in jeans and trainers with no makeup and casually go in while they seethed in their dolled-up glory. Now, apparently, I don't look old enough to have a grown daughter *shrug* Hey... I earned this grey hair. It deserves recognition! *laugh*

Thanks so, so much for all the birthday wishes. It made me, once again, aware of how big my tapestry of friendship is. I had wishes from far and near... and even from some fairly unexpected sources. It did, however, make me miss my loved ones terribly. Thank goodness for technology! Of course, the day wouldn't have been complete without a 2 hour power failure. Jurgis woke me with a mug of coffee and a bowl of hot oats. Nice! My morning student had cancelled, so the day was pretty much free. For supper, I made us some crumbed chicken with roasted veg. I wanted to make the magic chocolate pudding, but the power failure nixed that idea. Yes, I do cook with gas, but the recipe was on my computer. Not a big issue. There was ample delicious cyber-cake going around ;)

More on numbers, I got a belated birthday gift today. My student this morning announced that the metro is finally open from 4:30am to 11:30pm!!! Now why didn't they tell me that last week. It would have made my logic puzzle sooo much easier to work out! It's an easy 20 minute walk to the metro and from there, a quick hop right into town. I've been waiting for this for years!

I stitched up a pair of shorts for Jurgis today. I've decided to turn the waffle weave fabric I posted about into a hooded cape for winter. It's just warm enough, I think, and I do love capes. It won't be a particularly long one, but hopefully it will be enough to keep this garoa off. Yep, we've gone from torrents into garoa... a fine, drizzly rain that swirls in all directions; thus rendering umbrellas quite useless. Tomorrow, I'll be preparing for the week. I have 2 confirmed new students and one half-confirmed. Then I have to reorganise my schedule and transport. I can leave for work a whole hour later!!! Yes, that is how much the metro cuts off my travel time!

Night everyone! Thanks again for making my birthday special : )

Good enough to copy

Sorry for the repeat if you saw it in Marianne's notes.

* I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* There is great need for a sarcasm font.
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Bad decisions make good stories.
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -ever.
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* I keep many people's phone numbers in my phone just so I can look like I know many people.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid " routing option.
* Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a roadhog from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Trousers? Trousers never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
* Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Little things

It seems that when life is at its darkest, we appreciate the little things that can change a day for the better. When stressing over covering the bills becomes an all-day thought that overrides good sense, even a small deposit gives relief... huge relief. In short, I'm relieved and so very grateful. Immediate bills will be covered and there's enough to get Jurgis a steak for his birthday. I read about this magic way of ensuring the perfect steak. We'll see if it works. Life's looking up.

*sigh* The old ducky next to me just had a fairly long conversation with me, but I didn't get a single word of it. Mumbling in one's own language is bad enough, but in another? I nod. I smile. I agree. Everyone likes to have someone agree with them, right?

So... I'm once again facing decisions. My day currently involves being out from 6am to 6 or 7pm, depending on traffic and transport. During this time, I will do an actual 3 or 4 hours teaching. I get home, spend a couple of hours preparing the next day's lessons, eat and go to bed. If all my students actually had all their classes, this wouldn't be a bad life, but reality is very different. We're past the first half of the month and my one student has had only one of her classes. Others have cancelled at least twice each. The days I don't teach, I simply don't get paid... regardless of the reason for the missed class. What was meant to be a really good month (it's long in business days, so more classes are scheduled) has turned into an economically 'stretched' month.

My decision now is whether to go back to advertising for students (in the hope of getting some decent 'regular' students), though in my area that only brings really basic students who end up needing a lot of Portuguese. On the other hand, there's the schools. I know I said I wouldn't teach at the schools again, but... never say 'never' and all that. Trouble is, pay isn't that good, though it comes with benefits and I can, if I work with a nearby school, cut out or at least cut down on my currently high transport costs. The schools also mean that I have less cancellations, though with the student body being as fickle as it is, that never quite gets ruled out.

Ah.... what to do?

But... today it's easy to be grateful. I'll just ignore the niggly prods of doubt that rear their vile little heads. I have options. That's a plus. I can cover the bills and stock the pantry. I should blog that 'pantry' sometime. The student I am currently waiting for seems to be a no-show, so I get to journal in the meantime. This job has it's advantages to be sure : ) I'm off to bed now. See you all on the flipside.

Wet world

I'm early. The world around me is wrapped in scarves and jackets, except for the guy in the denim shorts, no shirt, flip flops and a cap walking down below.

It's raining. As I'm early, I chose to stay on the undercover Metro bridge, watching the raindrops run along the concrete beam and eventually peel themselves off. The flickering fluorescent light turns the world around me into a kind of unearthly early-morning disco.

Somehow, the glistening wet of the side-walk makes the litter stand out starkly. Litter blocks the drains, so the water dams up in the road, turning the paving into a bug-sized, filthy surf.

Pigeons are amazing things. Where do they come from? One lone white pigeon bobs around, finds a soggy crumb and in a split second, twenty others arrive to help decimate the 'feast'.

My hands are cold, but then, my hands are pretty much always cold. They're saying that, a little way south of us, the sentient temperature this morning is -22ºC. I find that hard to believe. Not complaining here though. At least we're finally having a smattering of winter.

Augh. Poor guy. This old man is always there on the curb-side. His lopsided stool stands abandoned off to one side, as he hops around, trying to keep warm. He has a blue shopping trolley holding a polystyrene cooler of orange junk-juice and bottled water. I doubt he'll make too many sales today, if any. Even the coffee-and-cake guy is lacking his usual cluster of clients in the cold and rain.

Ah... time's up. I need to go down and wait for the bright yellow VW.

One Mind

http://learnoutlive.com/one-mind/
An article I found to be very good. Many of us have fears, doubt and hesitation to be all we can be.... walls we need to tear down.

Treasure Hunting

This is a repost... because it seems like a good idea right now

Treasure Hunting
Discovering the Little Things that Make Us Happy

Life is full of little wonders that can make us happy. The sound of a baby’s laughter, a good book, the comforting smell of a favorite old sweatshirt, and the warmth from a cup of hot tea are simple pleasures that can easily put smiles on our faces. These “little things” are easily accessible to us and can be sources for finding happiness. A key to doing so is taking the time to put those rose colored glasses from childhood back on so you can easily find the joy in all the “little things” that life has to offer.

Finding a puppy rummaging through the laundry basket, trying on that perfect shade of lipstick, or discovering the extra change you left in your back pocket can turn into moments of delight. Like kids digging in the sandbox for buried trinkets, we may even begin to experience happiness when we engage in the seemingly mundane. Figuring out a software program can feel like deciphering a treasure map, and that first sip of tea in the morning can taste like a forbidden delicacy. Swaying to music playing on the radio can turn into an interpretive jig, riding a bike can seem like flying to the moon, and getting a phone call from that special someone can feel like winning the lottery. A pickup game of basketball becomes an exciting match among champions, and observing an elderly couple walking hand in hand can turn into a meditation on peace and contentment.

When we begin rediscovering that the little things in life can make us happy, we naturally want to share this joy with others. We may gush over a friend when we run into them unexpectedly, praise a street musician for their talents, or blow bubbles for the neighborhood kids to chase. We may even start to think of the little things we can do to make other people happy, which in turn makes us happy all over again. There is an endless supply of little things and little moments that can make us happy. All we have to do is look for them, and they’ll magically start to appear.