I'm on the wrong bus!

Catching up on the week's notes...

This photo was taken some years back at Serra Negra
I woke up this morning from a disturbing dream. I got onto bus #102 (buses here aren't numbered quite that way) from my 'usual' bus stop even though I didn't recognise the route on the board attached to the side of the bus. Buses here have the main roads of the route written up on their sides - if you're lucky enough to get one to stop long enough to read it, that is. I took this one, being sure of the bus number.

Not long after, I realised the bus was going in the completely wrong direction. I kept yelling to be let off the bus, but no one helped and the driver ignored me. The bus took me on a roundabout  through an unfamiliar neighbourhood, then did a loop up a bumpy, unpaved hill and back down. By this time, I was in tears of frustration.

As the bus, once again wound through another unfamiliar neighbourhood, one of the passengers kept telling me "Sua machina!" Somehow my cellphone had started blaring out a local TV station. I was livid because it meant my battery had been wasted unnecessarily. I had just turned it off when the bus stopped. I was back where I started!

Now dealing with bus routes is nothing new to me. There is the constant fear in the back of my mind that I'll take the wrong bus or metro and end up late. One digit wrong can take me to the opposite end of the city. The concern is worse when I don't know the route or destination.

Right now, I know my destination - or at least, the place I want to... need to be. It's the route that's fuzzy. I feel as though I'm being taken up bumpy, unpaved roads, only to be brought back to reality by local transmissions and to find I'm back where I started.

On the other hand, it may just be that my teaching routine is once again changing and I spent much of the weekend carefully mapping out new bus routes and noting down bus numbers.

São Paulo transport 101

My final metro on the way home.
Just an old man and myself enjoying the peace.
Oh my day started well enough, beyond my desire to ignore it completely, that is, and continue dreaming. I seem to be permanently tired lately - not so much tired as unutterably, inexplicably sleepy. I pulled myself together and dragged myself through my morning routine and finally made my way to the bus stop in the rain. What? You were expecting me to say sunshine or something? Ha! Yes, for the zillionth day, it is yet again raining. Actually, it just hasn't stopped. Good thing I like rain.

As I approached my bus stop, my bus, blissfully empty and unaware of my sleepy, but frantic attempts to get its attention, sailed on by. I eyed the rain and the now empty, uncovered bus stop and decided to go to the other stop under the huge rubber trees. I had barely gone a lick when the next bus came - packed to the gills. I ran to catch it, dropping my (thankfully waterproof) bag in the road and snapping one of the spines of my umbrella (yes, the replacement umbrella) as I got into the bus. Yep! It's going to be a great day!

Which brings me to my topic for today, The (Brief) Unofficial Guide to Surviving São Paulo's Public Transport System.



Embark and disembark

1. Elbows:
Why do you think you were created with those ungainly protrusions? To create and maintain your place on the bus or train, of course! They're also useful for removing obstinate obstacles. Today, I was the obstinate obstacle.... painfully... you know that little muscle running alongside the spine? Yes, that one. This person was proficient in the skill of elbow arts (a division of the crowd-bully martial arts discipline).

2. Footstomp:
A cousin to the elbow tactic. This one is simple. If a foot is in the way, stand on it. It can also be helpful to short people who need the extra inch or so to reach the bars to hold on. If a group gets together, a finely choreographed dance can be performed using this method.

3. Backpack:
In many societies, personal space is desirable. On crowded transport, it becomes a practical impossibility. The key here is to pack your bag as full as possible. This creates the necessary space around you. Don't worry about weight or back problems. There is usually someone who will oblige with an arm or bag you can rest your backpack on in a spirit of cheerful sharing.

4. Perfume:
This is a tricky one, though lethal if you get it right, as a lot of the population have an immunity to this weapon. There are two ways to apply this. One can be very quick, weather permitting. Simply omit deodorant. You need hot weather for this. The second method takes a few hours of preparation. Fill your bath with the perfume of your choice and marinate. Note: simply spraying copious amounts on before leaving is not as effective, as it doesn't penetrate the pores and can be rubbed off by fellow passengers. That would be giving your advantage away.

5. Hair:
This is a more subtle tool. It becomes more effective during peak hour commutes. The idea here is to either have vast quantities of hair or very spiky hair. In either case, your best friend is gel - as much as possible. You don't want your hair giving way before your fellow commuter does. Unfortunately, this tip will not work for really short or tall people, as the key is to have your hair at average eye height.

Your space

1. Poles and bars:
After a late night, these can be a lifesaver. Hold onto one. Lean into it. Wrap yourself around it. The support is invaluable. Don't be concerned with the other passengers. If they need to, they can attempt to move to another part of the bus or train. There are plenty of poles (ie. upright beds) for all. The lower cross-bars are useful as seats too. When you are really tired, they are good, as you don't have to lower yourself or get up out of one of the regular seats. It's useful to make sure there is someone actually sitting in the seat behind you, as the person's shoulder makes a good backstop.

2. Doors:
The announcer who frequently admonishes passengers not to stand in front of the doors and to keep them free has never taken public transport. They don't know that is the absolute best place to stand. For one, you are the first to get off at your stop. At the next stop, make sure to plant your feet firmly, so you don't get pushed out of the way, while others try to leave. This is important. If you are standing at the side of the door, you can hold onto the available poles for extra help.

3. Seats
If you are tired, or need to read or do your makeup, ignore the restricted seating signs. You may have to move sharply to get to the seat. Speed is essential. The ability to climb over people is useful at this point. Maximise your seating. A large bag or bulky clothing is helpful. Men have an advantage here, as it is socially acceptable to sit with your legs splayed or with your ankle resting on your knee. Teens can utilise two seats by resting their feet on a second seat. Life is hard work. You deserve your rest. If you feel the need to stretch out, pretending to sleep will ensure that you remain undisturbed.

4. Socialising:
If you are travelling with a friend, share the love. Your social lives are particularly interesting to other passengers, as they are deprived of watching soap operas while travelling. Sitting at opposite sides of the carriage or bus will ensure widest publication.

Killing boredom

1. Books:
Books, newspapers, magazines are all great diversions. If the bus or train is crowded, you have the added advantage of being able to rest your reading matter on another's shoulder. Curling yourself around a pole also helps for stability, allowing you to read easier. When reading large newspapers, try to make sure you have a double seat to yourself or at least have an accommodating neighbour.

2. Make up:
This demands considerable skill, but, with practice, it can become an art form. If you drop your lipstick, try to drop it in the direction of another passenger to avoid it falling on the unhygienic floor. Make sure that you grab a seat at all costs, as standing to do your make up is precarious at best.

3. Sleep:
Sleep is so necessary. Between work and your social life, it is hard to get sufficient sleep. Sleeping on buses and trains is particularly good as a) it kills time; b) it makes sure you remain undisturbed (see #3 under "Your space"); c) it can be done almost anywhere. Caution: If you are inclined to sleep with your mouth open and/or drooling, be aware that many cell phones have cameras.

4. Mobile phones:
With the advent of technology, there is no longer any excuse to be bored. Consider your faulty or non-existent ear-phones to be a generous gesture towards your deprived travelling companions. Turn up the volume, so that everyone else can save their batteries and listen to your music.

5. Poles, bars and seats:
It has been widely proven that people appreciate free entertainment. Since you have dreams of being a drummer and/or are in training for carnival, your fellow commuters can benefit from your skills. Poles and bars are more private, but can be felt by those with hearing deficiencies, but are useful in case commuters have ear phones on and can't hear the tapping. Seats are much more gratifying, as the sound carries further. Soon you will have everyone bopping in time. What a generous nature you have!

A few weeks

Strange - I wanted to write the date today as 2011. That's a first. Usually, I struggle to adapt to writing the new year when it arrives.


Two buses went straight past this morning - too full. Squish room only in the third. I decided to take my chances and wait among the crowds for the new metro to open - it doesn't run at useful times - though it would be cutting it fine. The new station is surrounded by its own patch of grass, which makes for a nice start to the day. Burying my uncomfortable feet (I really don't like these sandals) in thick early-morning-cool grass is pure bliss.

Today's "Nossa Bairro" (Our Neighbourhood) newspaper's front page is news about Facebook's plan for email and such. The neighbourhood must be out of regular news. Later, glancing at the Metro News over someone's shoulder showed me an article about Wikileaks... apparently the USA is trying to take over Brazil. Whodathunkit? That should help with Brazil's neurosis over the USA.

Most students are cancelling the rest of December. That should make January 'interesting'. I have inherited at least one new, confirmed student and two others in the pipeline, which will help enormously. Fingers crossed that they confirm.

Our week was marked by overcast, muggy days and afternoons complete with thunderstorms and associated power failures. Night before last, we had a frantic hauling out of towels and sweeping vast quantities of water out the door. Brazilian housing = major leak incidents. In fairness, the rain has been heavy...


This is the river about 200m from our gate. Photo from our local news site.
This is the usual level... though the rains had already started when this photo was taken...


To get an idea of depth, take a look at the trucks and cars along the road on the left.
Thursday... end of my working week - well, kind of. There's still Saturday, but tomorrow is off and its probably a good thing. I have a zillion things to do. Today has, so far, been one of those weird can't-get-going starts. Then I got onto the bus, which felt strange... standing room?! Then I nearly fell out of my chair - oh wait... I was standing. The first clusters of seats are for the aged and infirm. A pretty girl stood and offered her seat to me! *hauls out mirror* Ok, there's grey, a few lines, but over 60??

It always amuses me when we're standing with our faces mashed up against the metro doors during peak hour and the standard recording comes on, "If you're not getting off at the next stop, keep clear of the doorways." I really, really like the new air-conditioned metros, especially in our current super-muggy weather.

My plants are loving the rain. So am I. It's a whole lot cooler with the rain, even if keeping dry is somewhat challenging.



My most recent students are far from me, quite literally on the opposite end of the city. Going to them takes me through Bras. This area is well known to all Paulistanos as being the best place to buy clothes.... literally street after street of clothing shops, both wholesale and retail. Some shops are vast warehouses and others are small. The area also has streets that specialise in outfitting clothing shops. I find the mannequin shops fascinating. This one, I caught in passing. It tickled me that the sales girl was sitting so companionably with her mannequin 'friend'.



Christmas décor is out now, but very sporadic. I was on Av. Paulista, standing waiting to cross to Conjuncto Nacional. They pride themselves on their recycled Christmas décor. Aside from the snowflakes (don't know what those are made of), the rest of the decorations are all recycled cold drink bottles, in this case, more than likely Guaraná bottles.


I snuck a peek down a passage and saw a lady decorating her 'tree'. The tree was more a bush of naked branches, but the effect was pretty. It doesn't show well in this photo though. Ah for a decent zoom...



Then again, if you don't have a garden to decorate, what's the next best thing?

Accidental flying

I take three buses to my first student. Every now and again, the bus drivers run an intensive testing period to see if the passengers are awake.

In short... I hurt... all over.

I was tucked into the window seat just in front of the conductor. The driver had filled up with kangaroo juice and was testing his brakes and steering system to the limit. In peak hour traffic, that takes some doing.

I reached into my bag to get my bus card out just as the driver grew wings to take the last S-bend before my stop.

Now I'm not gravity-challenged and I'm definitely no feather-weight. It takes a lot to part me with gravity. When I sit, I'm firmly planted. Not this time. As he took the corner, I sailed across, out of my seat, across the neighbouring seat, and into the aisle, landing in a heap on the opposite side of the the bus against the other seats. Gravity remembered me... with a vengeance! As I said, I hurt *hobbles off into the sunset... make that 'sunrise'*


This picture makes me very, very grateful that I wear pants to work!

Great way to start the day!

I tend to stop and talk to the animals along my way and passing dog walkers are easy game. One dog came up to sniff and I patted him and chatted to him. His owner launched into an account of how she's going to complain about the bank she was just at because they wouldn't let her dog (slightly bigger than a fox terrier) in even though he's her 'bengala'. Now 'bengala' is a walking stick. How on earth can a dog on a soft leather leash be a walking stick for someone, who, incidentally, was walking just fine. I suggested, hesitantly, that perhaps if she carried a document saying he is exempt from the usual rules banning animals in banks, she may avoid problems in future. Apparently she has a document and they refused to acknowledge it. Now I'm an ardent defender of the sick, the lame and the helpless, but I couldn't help thinking this time that I wasn't very surprised that they raised an eyebrow at her claim.

Eh.... what a week it's been. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday. I'll go in, teach, then pay the rent and get my butt home to unwind.

Adventure in transit

What will I do for blog fodder the day I become 'normal' and get a car?

I was surprised and "Omg! How exciting!" pleased when I scored a seat on the bus this morning - right alongside the driver. It's reserved-for-old-fogies seating, but at 6am, they're not in transit anywhere. Turns out, that's where all the action is. There I was, minding my own business, watching street and car lights going by (I couldn't read, as the driver had the lights off) to the tune of some mellow Enya.

I got myself free entertainment. The bus had stopped. A lanky youth ran up and looked inside. It seemed that he decided it was the wrong bus. He walked along the curb and banged on the bus where the bus conductor sat. I figured it was just a 'greeting'. They often do that if they know the driver or conductor and it's usually followed by animated chatting and laughing. But... In a split second, the conductor and driver were both out of their seats and pounding down the road after the guy, brandishing 2 foot long, thick sticks. This was a true blue, "What the heck?!" moment. The chase carried itself across 6 lanes and ended as the guy rounded a corner.

The driver and conductor swaggered back to the bus with a "we got him good" attitude. Back on the bus, they talked and laughed between themselves after stowing their sticks. Unfortunately, they spoke in the incomprehensible North Eastern accent, so I remained clueless. One thing was sure, they were prepared. This was no random event.

I then switched over to the metro, which went calmer, though not without its own interest. We'd gone a couple of stops when everyone was ordered off the metro. I had my earphones in, so I missed the announcement. It seems to be my day for being clueless. We all crowded sheeplike into the next metro and went on our merry way.

I met my student who flapped a little at the 'dangers of public transport', only to be caught up by his own words when sirens bore down on us. There was a convoy of police cars and a van transporting criminals. The 'brownies' (that's what the traffic guys are called here due to their brown uniforms) shooed us out of the way. What on earth possessed them to think that transporting criminals through São Paulo's peak hour traffic was a good idea?? Apparently they 'avoid' traffic jams because of the risk of being blocked off deliberately (pre-organised), thus allowing the prisoners to escape.

   ~ ~ ~

Does anyone else also find their heart stopping when an ambulance passes by? I find myself hurting for the drama those people are facing.

What makes a pubescent kid go a few metres out of his way to kick a pigeon? Does it give him an otherwise missing sense of power?

I'm now off to bed. It was an exhausting day. Tomorrow will be even longer. I leave home at 6am and return at 6pm. In that time, I will take 7 buses in total and a metro. What adventures await, I wonder? My afternoon will end with 3 teen boys whom I've been warned will try to take advantage. Great. What an exciting prospect!

A sequence of events

Photo taken by Jurgis. The butterfly landed on the soap bubbles as he was doing the dishes. He fished her out and she hung around a while. He then took photos before releasing her into the great outdoors.
I woke up completely and quickly. That, in itself, was unusual. I'm notoriously slow to surface. My first thought was... surely it's 4:30 already? I checked my cell phone, which doubles as an alarm clock - 4:37! I hadn't set the alarm! Strike one. Without an alarm, I'm usually incapable of surfacing on time.

I put the kettle on and turned on the pc. Ack! My internet wouldn't connect. An overwhelmingly sickly smell drew me to the kitchen. The gas had run out (the gas stinks just as the bin empties for some reason) - coffee would be delayed. I shook Jurgis awake. Luckily, he'd asked me to wake him early. He tackled the gas (we keep a spare bin) and internet while I got ready. With coffee and toast going down well, the morning was saved.

The first bus that came along was an inter-municipal (the elusive Santana bus, Tat! *poke*) The smiling lady sharing my stop got on, so I asked the driver if it went my way. Yep, it did. What a ride! Everyone was smiling!  I wish I could take this bus every day. It takes a grand tour of the city. The route was different and thus interesting. I wished I had a camera with me.

Because I took a bus instead of the usual metro, I ended up on the other end of Parque do Juventude, a large, concrete and wannabe-grass walking area. It has some funky buildings. I walked past the building and wadya know.... a library! An honest-to-goodness fancy-schmancy library here in São Paulo!! Sadly, it was only opening later, so I couldn't go in. Not sure when I'll get the chance to see it, as it's far from home and my hours are a little crazy.

I walked over to where my student usually meets me. I had nearly reached my spot when a scruffy man walked past. I think he was homeless, but who knows. What was special about him? The big red nose he was sporting! When he caught someone staring, he'd grin. He was  having a ball. He left many laughs and smiles in his wake.

I spent the rest of my time there being entertained by an impish (he looked like a little imp) hopelessly drunk man who was dancing and clowning around with a huge grin on his face. He was having a ball!

What was that they say about "Smile and the world smiles with you"? Today, the world seemed to be smiling. It was good : )  I felt as though a load had been taken off my shoulders.

And back to the ordinary world...

Romany was caught grinning in his sleep.


The flash woke him up. He stuck his tongue out.... kinda mid-lick, but too lazy to pull it off properly.


The sun was obviously too good and he dozed right off again.

Random oddities

Did you know that the time period when you're just falling asleep is called the hypnogogic state and the time of awakening is called the hypnopompic state? See the article here.

One seed appears to be sprouting. I think it's a catnip. Expressing my lack of conviction, Jurgis suggested I haul the cat over it and do a 'cat scan' for confirmation.



My bus was dying two days ago. It stalled every time the bus slowed down. I was the last passenger and had at least half my journey to go still. The bus driver insisted on trying to get me all the way. I had my own private, albeit barely functional, limousine. So sweet. The bus drivers know me well.

Our dogs were barking earlier. We looked out to find a guy standing on the neighbour's roof. Hands on hips, cigarette in one, he turned to us and said, "The tenants really trashed this place."

Speaking of tenants. Our neighbours on the same property moved out not too long after we moved in. Then the neighbours to our right moved out. The neighbours to our left are either doing a drastic spring clean or they're moving out too. Think we should change our deodorant? We had the same thing in our previous home where many of the houses around us ended up empty for a long time. I'm not complaining. It's infinitely quite. And speaking of empty houses. With so many empty houses, why is it always so hard to find a house to move into?

When I was walking in town this week, I saw an old Japanese man selling strands of origami cranes. His sign said, "Passaro Feriz." : )

I miss my origami queen. No one to make random birds for me at random places in town. Guess I should stick to roses.